Good Girls don't....: A guide to true cultural sexual rebellion.

One of the defining moments of my life was when I was in the 5th grade. My mother had been mostly absent for years, my grandmother was my beacon of femininity, and my extended family was doing everything in their power to prevent me from slipping through the cracks (Thank God for them!)

I was 11 years old, and I was sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch of my great grandmother's house. I was on the phone with a friend. I said, "I want to be an obstetrician. They deliver babies and I want to deliver babies. I hear it's pretty complicated, but I think I can do it." At this point my well intentioned aunt (pronounced "aint") walked out to me and said, "Good girls don't talk about stuff like that." I remember giggling awkwardly and just telling my friend I had to go. Coincidentally, about a year prior to this I was terribly confused when I looked under that same aunt's bathroom counter and saw these flat wrapped objects, and I genuinely thought that menstrual pads were like rolling your own cigarettes. I was told then that I didn't need to worry with that stuff.

You know what this did? It led me down the rabbit hole. What else aren't we supposed to talk about? In retrospect my grandmother never called sex, "sex". She called it "Making Love" (to this day I hate that phrase). So, around this time AOL discs were a dime a dozen, or literally free at the local grocery store. I went through about 15 discs in 6 months; I think they were 500 minutes free? 1500 minutes free? Anyway, I looked up everything. I looked at always.com, I looked at kotex.com, I looked up informational pages about periods. I looked up books. I got books from the library. I wanted to know everything I could about sex, periods, and pregnancy. I read Judy Blume (not recommended), and other teen based books; often thick with "life lessons on the irresponsibility of sex out of marriage."

By the time I was 14, purity rings were a big deal. I see that they still are; the jury is out on that one. Needless to say, I was opposed to making promises I couldn't keep. I remember being in 3rd grade and refusing to sign the D.A.R.E. promise for the exact same reason. If you want to believe that indoctrination wasn't an issue while I was in school, I'll ask you to view my school record that shows me getting 1 referral in my life: because I refused to sign a piece of paper at 9 years old. PS, there is another referral unofficially on my record for skipping school; at least I'm honest.

In my household nothing was a big deal. Making mole hills out of mountains caused me to not be overly preoccupied with alcohol or sex. This is not to say that sexual curiosity didn't come on early for me, but I wasn't terribly concerned with having sex at an early age. Anywho, I went away to college, was put on birth control for a medical reason, met a boy, and the rest is completely.... deviant from the norm. :)

I moved to California when I was 22. I was put on birth control when I was 19, and around 24 when I stopped. I didn't stop because I wanted to get pregnant. I stopped because it was ruining my relationship. I stopped because my already "dry" emotional state became like a tin roof; nothing stuck. Nothing bothered me, but nothing made me happy. I was non-committal to everything. Plus, it wasn't getting rid of the symptoms it was supposed to. When I stopped taking birth control I was convinced for a year that I would get pregnant. And then I didn't; this is not a miracle or anything, we were using barrier method.

And then. And then. My old employer was a Catholic SAHM. She told me about NFP. And that part really is history. Through, what I can only identify as a rebellion, I've realized that how we speak and react to fertility is perpetuating an unnatural fear of sex. I love sex. I don't just love sex for me, I love sex for all consenting adults. I openly admit in my instruction that my goal as an instructor is to give a couple as many usable days as possible. Call it manipulative, call it unhealthy, but sex is a pretty savvy cure-many (notice it's not a cure all), for relationships. When two people are consenting and having a good time, let the good times roll! Whatever floats your boat, let it take you away. That part is no one else's business.

My goal is to help people be empowered in fertility. Fertility is not a barrier to sex. Fertility is the heartbeat of sex, one to be observed and listened to, like the heart pounding of a first kiss or the barely noticeable slow, patient, beat of a Sunday morning cuddle. You do not have to get pregnant while practicing fertility awareness. It is not a game of chance. It is not purely for Catholics and Muslims. You have been lied to, and I'm here to help.


Marquette efficacy:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18997569

Generic NFP research:
Frank-Herrmann P, Heil J, Gnoth C, et al. The effectiveness of a fertility awareness based method to avoid pregnancy in relation to a couple's sexual behaviour during the fertile time: a prospective longitudinal study. Hum Reprod. 2007;22(5):1310–1319....

Predicting ovulation with at home urinalysis (not produced by Marquette)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23831784

Medical training on forms of natural family planning:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28620604

Ovulation correlation to cervical mucus production:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25724738

Most common birth time: 8am. Surprised? I was.

I'm a huge fan of improvingbirth.org. When I was a wee fledgling in the world of birth and birth advocacy, they had information on hand that led me to the dark side, or the...like... empowered side... :) of birth.

They recently (today) shared an article that claims most infants make their appearance at 8am. And most commonly on weekdays. This made no sense to me. Birth is chaotic (commonly) and irratic in timing (ask any mom who really wanted a due date baby).

I trust improvingbirth to give me accurate information. So why would this report say that children are born at 8am? On weekdays? Babies don't have schedules. They are squirmy gushy little beings of smelly goodness (baby fever anyone?).

The article absolutely states that this information was collected across the board: hospital, home, cesarean, induction, natural, all of it. So I decided to dig a little deeper. The article claims that c-section rates are 32% across the nation. I happen to know they are slightly higher in my neck of the woods. But basically, that article is implying that medical intervention is skewing natural birth cycles. Most babies born without medical intervention are born at night.

There are two reasons that a baby would be born in the morning:
1. Medical intervention (C-section/induction). **Shocker** I'm not a c-section basher. Stuff happens and we are all blessed to have access to this emergency care. However, let's be real. If a mom has been laboring for a long time, she will fatigue and will need help or, in some cases, convinced she needs help. All research shows that after intervention (lets be conservative and assume pitocin or other forms of induction), the risk for c-section increases dramatically [1].

2. Delayed/difficult/regressing labor. If you prefer to believe that regressing labor doesn't exist, let's just pretend for now that it's not written down and I'll express my thoughts on the topic later. If a woman has slow progression of labor due to anxiety, 'back labor', structural complications, or is forced to labor in a less-than-ideal birthing position, the delivery can be prolonged.

Guess what? Most of that second reason can happen and does happen outside of the hospital as well. The other interesting thing of note in the chart above is that the hospital birth line has well defined peaks, as where the out-of-hospital births don't really have peaks, but instead gentle "hills" of commonality.

All this to say, it would be interesting to see how breastfeeding and other baby basics (eat, poop, sleep) are even temporarily affected by an altered natural birth time. I'll keep you all posted if I find a study, and hope you'll do the same.

Cheers!


1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3751192/

The Judge-y thoughts.

There are people in my life that claim we can judge people as long as we hold ourselves to the same standard. There are .GIFs dedicated to the "Don't Judge Me!" phrase.

As most of you know I am hardcore in the opposing corner of mom guilt. The best thing we can do in life is find people who are similar to us, so if we ever feel the need to test our true north, we have family or friends or a tribe to set us straight. That's not to say that we need to surround ourselves with like-minded people. I seem to thrive in environments where people question my beliefs, but honestly, sometimes it's fun to make a joke about my crunchy ways and have some genuinely laugh with me instead of laughing AT me. 

Yesterday I was on (duh duh DUH!!!) Facebook and I saw a photo of a friend of mine. She sells fitness, as a package. And my immediate thought was, "She didn't have that much to lose in the first place (insert eye roll here)!!" 

And then, boom. UUGHH! I'd stupidly thought someone's battle was easier than mine! I demeaned her effort and her brand by thinking that she hadn't worked hard for her body. Meanwhile this woman is constantly bringing other women UP. I then thought, "She isn't really building a business. She's slinging crappy products at unsuspecting women." HOLD IT. HOLD.THE.PHONE. Where did this snarky woman come from? Who cares what she's doing? She is helping people love themselves; which the world is so lacking right now. 

I am known in my community as a silver-linings-loving-optimist-you-can-do-it-all-in-one-pep-squad. I am known as this because this is what I want for myself. I want people to surround me and say, "Starting a business is hard! But you are rocking it!" Guess what? this woman that I thought the snarky things about is always the first to tell me how great of a job I'm doing. 

So, my brief thought of the day is this: It's great to not speak poorly of someone else, but if you want all those benefits for yourself, you have to stop thinking them too. 

Secondary Infertility

It may surprise you to know that there are more than one type of infertility; and I don't mean male and female infertility. One of the lesser known types of infertility (or subfertility) is secondary infertility. This is described as the inability to conceive after birthing one (or more) children.

The causes of secondary infertility are along the same lines as primary infertility:

1. Sperm quality

2. reproductive organ damage

3. Scar tissue or complications from previous surgery/pregnancies

4. Risk factors like advanced age, obesity, and other health issues in both partners.

The reasons of secondary infertility are not all that shocking, however, when a couple decides to try to achieve pregnancy for the second, third, or fourth time, and they find themselves trying for a year or more, not attaining pregnancy can be a bit of a shock.

This is a huge benefit of charting cycles with FAM or NFP. Regardless as to how one approaches trying to conceive, knowledge of ovulation and symptoms that are (or are not) present can be a blinking red indicator of where the dysfunction lies.

Another concern for this issue is self-diagnosis. Often times I hear of couples who may have been surprised with their first pregnancy. And then a few years down the road, when it is time for baby number two they are discouraged when in the first month they do not conceive. I am in no way insinuating that secondary infertility doesn't exist, but I think it is very important that we stick within the diagnostic characteristics of the disorder at hand. 

In my opinion, secondary infertility can be just as harmful emotionally as primary infertility. To have the want and love for a baby you haven't met yet, and to month after month be disappointed is challenging enough, and then if you express sadness over secondary fertility often times the retort is that, "You already have one baby, some people don't even have that!" This goes back to that nasty old parent-guilt business that I talk about all the time. 

Below are some of my personal thoughts on the causes of secondary infertility:

1. Stress. I say this ALL the time in person, but let's say it here too! 

         If you go in to your kitchen and you see a kitchen fire, what is the first thing you are going to do? You probably wont start to fold laundry. You are going to try to put that fire out and save your house! Your body works similarly. There are natural cycles happening all over the place inside of you, and that's how its supposed to be; FSH, serotonin, insulin, TSH, even daily poops work on a schedule and cycle. So if your body perceives a greater threat, the focus will move away from those "activities of daily living" (think chores and errands) and hone in on the crisis at hand (think kitchen fire or basement flood). Managing family, friends, work, and toddler is pretty stressful. Take that natural stress and then impose upon it the rampant parent-guilt of modern culture, and stress levels easily become unmanageable. Then, on top of that, add the stresses of disappointment of not conceiving as quickly or as easily as a couple did the first time around, and you have a recipe for cortisol soup.

           To all of this I say: Chiropractic. Chiropractic is the methodology of helping the body adapt to stress. Often times people will say, "Oh, my shoulders are so tight! It's just stress though." I entirely disagree. Stress is common. Stress is everywhere and we all feel it in different ways and places and manifestations, but it's always there. However, you should be able to work with the stress in your life. When you fail to adapt, dysfunction becomes a major factor. This is most evident in people with knee pain; almost always, knee pain comes from hip or foot dysfunction. The most significant take away from that metaphor is that it is simply a metaphor; these mal-adaptations happen in our brains, in our lungs, in our visceral organs, in our nerves, and because our spinal cord is the main communication device between our brain and our cells and tissues, it plays a major part in how we adapt to stress. Long story short: get your nervous system checked.

2. LAM. Lactation Amenorrhea Method.

       This is actually a form of NFP, sort of kind of.... Basically, if a woman ecologically breastfeeds, as in, no schedule, and feeding baby whenever baby is hungry (including night time), she can and most likely will delay the return of her menses. I live in a community that has a higher than average age for first births. Some may think of this as a negative thing, but I think its pretty beautiful. We also have a higher than average single earner family rate. I also think this is beautiful. Families on the Central Coast tend to be pretty crunchy, and we have a much higher than average "prolonged breastfeeding" statistic. It is not impossible to achieve pregnancy while breastfeeding, and despite some old wives tales, it is not harmful to breastfeed throughout pregnancy. However, the return of menses is also accompanied by a shortened luteal phase. The stunted luteal phase means that while a woman may be ovulating, her body is not providing a nice soft endometrial pillow for the fertilized egg to implant upon. The luteal phase should be at least 12 days so that the egg has time to make the trip from the Fallopian tube to the uterus, implant, and begin the division processes that will lead to a viable pregnancy. If the luteal phase is too short, the egg will simply be disposed of during the period, like every other non-fertilized egg of her menstrual cycle's history.

3. Shortened luteal phase due to other circumstances.

     Unfortunately our culture is soy, and otherwise xeno-estrogen happy. Our government subsidizes the growth of soy beans, so much like wheat and corn, it is in everything. Hormonal birth control is also widely popular in our country. These are a few factors that contribute to the over all estrogen rich ecosystems that we walk around in daily. Estrogen dominance is not simply, "too much estrogen." Though, "too much estrogen" is absolutely an issue of its own. The greater issue is the amount of estrogen in relationship to the amount of progesterone in the body. For about half of the menstrual cycle, it is meant for estrogen to be the dominant hormone. Estrogen is responsible for the thickening of the endometrial lining; so it is safe to say that estrogen creates the pillow for the fertilized egg to implant upon. However progesterone is the luteal phase dominant hormone. This means that within 36 hours of ovulation, estrogen drops and progesterone starts to ramp up. Progesterone is the dominant hormone after ovulation and only when progesterone starts to wane, will the menses begin. If a woman's progesterone is low, then the woman is more likely to have a quicker onset of menses; so her period will start again quicker than if she had more progesterone. When the menses returns quicker, say, less than 12 days, the environment of her uterus becomes less friendly to conception, or rather, implantation.


In short, secondary infertility is a heartbreaking experience. The best thing you can do is be an advocate for your own health and chart your fertility. Note cervical mucus, LH spike, and how many days after ovulation your period comes. These factors alone can make a world of difference. You are not alone and you are not broken. You are not wrong for wanting another baby. Just because you have one baby doesn't mean you should be satisfied or accepting. Fertility is a natural cycle in our lives to be respected. Please don't feel selfish or arrogant for wanting another baby. And please reach out for help if you have feelings of depression and futility.

Cwikel J, Gidron Y, Sheiner E. Psychological interactions with infertility among women. Eur J Obstet Gynecol Reprod Biol 2004;117:126-31.