Good Girls don't....: A guide to true cultural sexual rebellion.

One of the defining moments of my life was when I was in the 5th grade. My mother had been mostly absent for years, my grandmother was my beacon of femininity, and my extended family was doing everything in their power to prevent me from slipping through the cracks (Thank God for them!)

I was 11 years old, and I was sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch of my great grandmother's house. I was on the phone with a friend. I said, "I want to be an obstetrician. They deliver babies and I want to deliver babies. I hear it's pretty complicated, but I think I can do it." At this point my well intentioned aunt (pronounced "aint") walked out to me and said, "Good girls don't talk about stuff like that." I remember giggling awkwardly and just telling my friend I had to go. Coincidentally, about a year prior to this I was terribly confused when I looked under that same aunt's bathroom counter and saw these flat wrapped objects, and I genuinely thought that menstrual pads were like rolling your own cigarettes. I was told then that I didn't need to worry with that stuff.

You know what this did? It led me down the rabbit hole. What else aren't we supposed to talk about? In retrospect my grandmother never called sex, "sex". She called it "Making Love" (to this day I hate that phrase). So, around this time AOL discs were a dime a dozen, or literally free at the local grocery store. I went through about 15 discs in 6 months; I think they were 500 minutes free? 1500 minutes free? Anyway, I looked up everything. I looked at always.com, I looked at kotex.com, I looked up informational pages about periods. I looked up books. I got books from the library. I wanted to know everything I could about sex, periods, and pregnancy. I read Judy Blume (not recommended), and other teen based books; often thick with "life lessons on the irresponsibility of sex out of marriage."

By the time I was 14, purity rings were a big deal. I see that they still are; the jury is out on that one. Needless to say, I was opposed to making promises I couldn't keep. I remember being in 3rd grade and refusing to sign the D.A.R.E. promise for the exact same reason. If you want to believe that indoctrination wasn't an issue while I was in school, I'll ask you to view my school record that shows me getting 1 referral in my life: because I refused to sign a piece of paper at 9 years old. PS, there is another referral unofficially on my record for skipping school; at least I'm honest.

In my household nothing was a big deal. Making mole hills out of mountains caused me to not be overly preoccupied with alcohol or sex. This is not to say that sexual curiosity didn't come on early for me, but I wasn't terribly concerned with having sex at an early age. Anywho, I went away to college, was put on birth control for a medical reason, met a boy, and the rest is completely.... deviant from the norm. :)

I moved to California when I was 22. I was put on birth control when I was 19, and around 24 when I stopped. I didn't stop because I wanted to get pregnant. I stopped because it was ruining my relationship. I stopped because my already "dry" emotional state became like a tin roof; nothing stuck. Nothing bothered me, but nothing made me happy. I was non-committal to everything. Plus, it wasn't getting rid of the symptoms it was supposed to. When I stopped taking birth control I was convinced for a year that I would get pregnant. And then I didn't; this is not a miracle or anything, we were using barrier method.

And then. And then. My old employer was a Catholic SAHM. She told me about NFP. And that part really is history. Through, what I can only identify as a rebellion, I've realized that how we speak and react to fertility is perpetuating an unnatural fear of sex. I love sex. I don't just love sex for me, I love sex for all consenting adults. I openly admit in my instruction that my goal as an instructor is to give a couple as many usable days as possible. Call it manipulative, call it unhealthy, but sex is a pretty savvy cure-many (notice it's not a cure all), for relationships. When two people are consenting and having a good time, let the good times roll! Whatever floats your boat, let it take you away. That part is no one else's business.

My goal is to help people be empowered in fertility. Fertility is not a barrier to sex. Fertility is the heartbeat of sex, one to be observed and listened to, like the heart pounding of a first kiss or the barely noticeable slow, patient, beat of a Sunday morning cuddle. You do not have to get pregnant while practicing fertility awareness. It is not a game of chance. It is not purely for Catholics and Muslims. You have been lied to, and I'm here to help.


Marquette efficacy:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18997569

Generic NFP research:
Frank-Herrmann P, Heil J, Gnoth C, et al. The effectiveness of a fertility awareness based method to avoid pregnancy in relation to a couple's sexual behaviour during the fertile time: a prospective longitudinal study. Hum Reprod. 2007;22(5):1310–1319....

Predicting ovulation with at home urinalysis (not produced by Marquette)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23831784

Medical training on forms of natural family planning:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28620604

Ovulation correlation to cervical mucus production:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25724738

Resistance is futile...

Resistance. So, I've been reading The War of Art, and yes, I wrote it correctly. The main point of the book is that there is a force acting against our best intentions that keeps us from achieving our greatness. These barriers to success are usually some variation of rationalization and can best be visualized with the stereotypical frayed hair and twitchy fingers of "writer's block". These are what keep us in bed instead of going for a run. These are the reasons we don't firmly stick out a hand to our heroes and introduce ourselves. And frankly, these are the reasons that Chiropractors never have a community that understands what they do. 

I am a big fan of  knowing your enemy. Resistance is my enemy. It, for me, is the "Don't go to that event, you're so tired." or "Life is hard right now, go watch netflix."We combat resistance by doing what we are afraid to do or what would make us less comfortable. Why are you not getting out of bed to go on that run? What about 30 minutes of sleep (let's be real, facebook), is better than running around the block? 

I'm going to touch a very sensitive subject; one that I have rolled my eyes over for literally decades now. Have you ever known someone with an ok job, or a crappy job and one day that person tells you they are going on a crazy trip to Indonesia? Or that same person comes up to tell you they are going to Europe for a month? And immediately, you think something like, "Where did they get the money to do that?" We must delegate what we value; time and money are easily the most valuable things to most people. Ironically, those two things seem pretty inversely proportional but at the end of the day those two things are what make the world go 'round. So, many situations leave us exchanging money for time, or time for money. And that is the balance right? That's simply how it works. If you know how to get me more of both of these things, PLEASE do not hesitate to contact me :). However, what we need to squash right now is that you don't have time and you don't have money. Neither of those is true. If my super young, super optimistic, go get 'em friend can work a part time job waiting tables for 10 months and then take a month long trip to India, we all need to think about our "resistance" or our "values". 

I implore you to stop saying that! On the other hand, saying "I don't value it" is one of the most powerful things you could ever say. This says to people "I value my time and my money more than I value what you are offering me." And THAT is a game changer because it is a) the truth b) not propagating negative thoughts into the universe c) giving the presenter the opportunity to hear, "hey, what you just said, doesn't make me care any more about what you are doing. So... change it up. Come back later. Make me want it more," How useful is that? My entrepreneurial spirit is swooning at that type of constructive criticism. 

Now, let's tie it all together. I made the photos above, but I certainly didn't write them. Some of you may know that, some of you may have never heard of them before. This weekend I turned 30 years old, and on Saturday morning I attended a women's conference. Fact: moms don't do women's conferences. It's like they're busy or something? :) This conference rubbed me the wrong way. It was offensive, and kinda sorta in conflict with some major teachings of the organization, all that to be said, this was the blessing at the beginning of the meeting. I didn't want to go to this conference, and after I went I wasn't any more pleased but I defied resistance by attending. These commandments, another version of which hung at Mother Theresa's clinic in Calcutta, are my favorite thing. I think they are God, or the Universe's way of saying "Keep going." 

Despite my love of Star Trek, especially Jean Luc Picard (swoon again), resistance isn't futile. Maybe my fist-to-cuffs opposition of resistance is saying through gritted teeth, "Resistance! You are futile"... but really it serves a purpose. It is there to let us know that when we feel most resistant that is when we are meant to push back harder. 

So don't tell people you don't have time. Don't tell them that you don't have the money. You do. If you wanted to, you could. There are a million ways to scrape time and cash together. Tell them flat out that you don't value what they have. Be mindful to the resistance; do you not value it? Or are you afraid that it might actually make you a better person?