Good Girls don't....: A guide to true cultural sexual rebellion.

One of the defining moments of my life was when I was in the 5th grade. My mother had been mostly absent for years, my grandmother was my beacon of femininity, and my extended family was doing everything in their power to prevent me from slipping through the cracks (Thank God for them!)

I was 11 years old, and I was sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch of my great grandmother's house. I was on the phone with a friend. I said, "I want to be an obstetrician. They deliver babies and I want to deliver babies. I hear it's pretty complicated, but I think I can do it." At this point my well intentioned aunt (pronounced "aint") walked out to me and said, "Good girls don't talk about stuff like that." I remember giggling awkwardly and just telling my friend I had to go. Coincidentally, about a year prior to this I was terribly confused when I looked under that same aunt's bathroom counter and saw these flat wrapped objects, and I genuinely thought that menstrual pads were like rolling your own cigarettes. I was told then that I didn't need to worry with that stuff.

You know what this did? It led me down the rabbit hole. What else aren't we supposed to talk about? In retrospect my grandmother never called sex, "sex". She called it "Making Love" (to this day I hate that phrase). So, around this time AOL discs were a dime a dozen, or literally free at the local grocery store. I went through about 15 discs in 6 months; I think they were 500 minutes free? 1500 minutes free? Anyway, I looked up everything. I looked at always.com, I looked at kotex.com, I looked up informational pages about periods. I looked up books. I got books from the library. I wanted to know everything I could about sex, periods, and pregnancy. I read Judy Blume (not recommended), and other teen based books; often thick with "life lessons on the irresponsibility of sex out of marriage."

By the time I was 14, purity rings were a big deal. I see that they still are; the jury is out on that one. Needless to say, I was opposed to making promises I couldn't keep. I remember being in 3rd grade and refusing to sign the D.A.R.E. promise for the exact same reason. If you want to believe that indoctrination wasn't an issue while I was in school, I'll ask you to view my school record that shows me getting 1 referral in my life: because I refused to sign a piece of paper at 9 years old. PS, there is another referral unofficially on my record for skipping school; at least I'm honest.

In my household nothing was a big deal. Making mole hills out of mountains caused me to not be overly preoccupied with alcohol or sex. This is not to say that sexual curiosity didn't come on early for me, but I wasn't terribly concerned with having sex at an early age. Anywho, I went away to college, was put on birth control for a medical reason, met a boy, and the rest is completely.... deviant from the norm. :)

I moved to California when I was 22. I was put on birth control when I was 19, and around 24 when I stopped. I didn't stop because I wanted to get pregnant. I stopped because it was ruining my relationship. I stopped because my already "dry" emotional state became like a tin roof; nothing stuck. Nothing bothered me, but nothing made me happy. I was non-committal to everything. Plus, it wasn't getting rid of the symptoms it was supposed to. When I stopped taking birth control I was convinced for a year that I would get pregnant. And then I didn't; this is not a miracle or anything, we were using barrier method.

And then. And then. My old employer was a Catholic SAHM. She told me about NFP. And that part really is history. Through, what I can only identify as a rebellion, I've realized that how we speak and react to fertility is perpetuating an unnatural fear of sex. I love sex. I don't just love sex for me, I love sex for all consenting adults. I openly admit in my instruction that my goal as an instructor is to give a couple as many usable days as possible. Call it manipulative, call it unhealthy, but sex is a pretty savvy cure-many (notice it's not a cure all), for relationships. When two people are consenting and having a good time, let the good times roll! Whatever floats your boat, let it take you away. That part is no one else's business.

My goal is to help people be empowered in fertility. Fertility is not a barrier to sex. Fertility is the heartbeat of sex, one to be observed and listened to, like the heart pounding of a first kiss or the barely noticeable slow, patient, beat of a Sunday morning cuddle. You do not have to get pregnant while practicing fertility awareness. It is not a game of chance. It is not purely for Catholics and Muslims. You have been lied to, and I'm here to help.


Marquette efficacy:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18997569

Generic NFP research:
Frank-Herrmann P, Heil J, Gnoth C, et al. The effectiveness of a fertility awareness based method to avoid pregnancy in relation to a couple's sexual behaviour during the fertile time: a prospective longitudinal study. Hum Reprod. 2007;22(5):1310–1319....

Predicting ovulation with at home urinalysis (not produced by Marquette)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23831784

Medical training on forms of natural family planning:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28620604

Ovulation correlation to cervical mucus production:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25724738

NFP vs. Fertility Awareness: Change your language to change the world.

I recently had the honor of speaking with a group of women that all brought different experiences and input on fertility and womanhood. Coming from a higher learning perspective on health and fertility, I was amazed at what I learned. Below are some of the high light take away points:

1. Just because you have said the same thing a million times does not mean that it should not be said a million and one times. My goals in practice are not to have women exclusively home birthing, breast feeding for 5 years, and having baby only touch fair trade organic grown and washed diapers. That's a nice dream, but that isn't reality. A woman delivers her baby, a woman (and partner) makes the decisions concerning the birth and parenting of her child. A woman needs to know what she wants and surround herself with people who will support those wants and desires. Sometimes that means a C-section. Sometimes that means 'sposies. It is not my goal to tell them how wrong they are; it is my goal to empower them to know that what they want is what they are capable of. 

2 . If you want to change the world, change your language. I didn't learn this at this event, but I said it. I wasnt the first person to say this, but it is my mantra concerning Chiropractic and up until this point it never occurred to me that NFP needs a language change. Let's break it down: Natural Family Planning. So, fertility is purely for families? And purely for families looking to manage the number of children they have? OH! No, no no. Fertility, as I have said before is the 7th vital sign! Women, and men for that matter, are fertile outside of marriage. For women, the menstrual cycle is an amazing insight to health. NFP (henceforth known as fertility awareness on this page) is something to be aware of years before sex is even an option. So, despite my beautiful business cards that tout my certification as an NFP instructor, I am a fertility awareness teacher, focusing on Marquette Method. 

3. Pea Salad is WAY tastier than it sounds :) 

I implore you to consider the ramifications of your words. The words we use today will impact how our children and future generations speak on these topics. Speak to your children about their bodies, and use the terms that you want them to use as adults. Teach them early that menstruation is more than just the sloughing of endometrial lining of their uterus. Don't let your children learn about fertility the same way you did. Fertility does not imply sexuality. Sexuality is a different conversation, possibly for a different time.